Cathedral Confirmation 2010-2011

Abuse

When a child is a victim of abuse by a member of their family, their world has changed forever. They may have loved their abuser and the abuser has turned the relationship into something sadistic and cruel. The victim of abuse is likely to feel very confused. How can they sort out the feelings of affection that they have for their abuser with the sick and disgusting act that was done to them. Feelings that result from abuse should not be buried away. As painful as it is, victims must talk about their experience and share their pain with others. Finding meaning in suffering is the road to healing.

Lost Innocence

This young girl kept from sight
crying into the middle of the night
she fears that others will sense the shame
but was this girl really too blame?
this little girl who was full of belief
could not from him seem to find relief
she feels so dirty with her clothes which are tore
when she is being flung on the bedroom floor
this broken child lost her innocence at a very young age
through a trusted mans deliberate drunken rage
her little broken heart was full of pain
through the rest of her life it would stain
people would see the bruises that lay upon her face
she wanted and longed for her special place
while he was looking around
this little girl couldn't make a sound
she couldn't have her own bed
he would be there touching her instead
taking her clothes off he would touch
this haunted her little heart so much
she just wanted him to understand
but instead she got the back of his hand
night after night she endured this pain
never to be happy ever again
this little angel from above
could not find the slightest inch of love
this mountain of unnoticed fear
went on year after year
while she was crying silent tears
he was tucking into some beers
why would no one come to her aid
day after day her happiness would fade
this went on for so, so long
and no one thought that this was wrong
this little girl that no one could save
she longed for her peaceful grave

 

You...

I told you how I felt
but you turned the other cheek
I was basically rejected
I feel so small, so very weak

I found the reason why I always keep to myself
I hate this feeling of pain
Of being rejected like I'm not good enough
This will happen never again

I'm tired of letting people in
I'm tired of being alone
I'm tired of being rejected and hurt
This is it that feelings gone

I'm not gonna let you in
I'm not gonna let you see my tears fall
I'm not gonna let you see me hurt
I'm not gonna let you bring me down most of all

I told you how I felt
Because I wanted you to know
But apparently you would never feel the same
So I guess its time for me to go

 

Rejected...

Being alone is one of the saddest conditions for a human being to experience. You may feel alone with your family, if you think that no one understands you. Often people are afraid to share who they are because they think that they will be rejected. However, if you are not sharing who you are, you are not truly with the people you love. On the other hand when you share you true self, you risk being rejected. Often individuals seek people out of the family unit with whom they can share themselves without fear of rejection yet still, they are rejected...

 

she is lost
afraid
afraid of everything
she doesn't know where to go
left or right
up or down
she is trapped
nobody understands her
she is in a box
she is lost
how does she go on
she feels like her life is over
she tries to fit in
but she cannot
she wants to disappear to nowhere
she cannot talk to anyone
her life is upside down
where does she go
what does she do
why is her life like this
did chose her to be this way
why me lord
am I the one you want to live like this
am I the special one
did I do something wrong
do I belong on this earth
I am lost

 

 

I don't know

Inside I'm crying
outside I'm smiling
no one notices
but its hard for me to control this
when you see me walk by
it doesn't look like it but I want to die
thoughts racing through my head
then comes the tears that I shed
how can I change
all the tears and rage
you say you understand
and all I need is a helping hand
that may be true
but first take a walk in my shoes
sadness, angers, and unbearable pain
you'll be taking a walk full of nothing but shame
as time moves slower
my self-esteem gets lower
am I nothing to this world
or am I just a worthless girl?

 

Lost and broken

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
when you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?

What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.

 

I'll Keep It Hidden

 

My world is falling, crumbling apart, life is meaningless & that's just the start
My hearts so sore, I can feel it breaking & I swear to God it leaves me shaking
Late at night till early in the morning, lying in bed eyes wide open. Didn't sleep last night, like all the others, instead I just lie crying in the covers
Quick, wipe away all the tears before they come near. must hide this depression & the feelings of fear
For all they know I'm happy & always smiling, but deep inside my soul is dying
I can feel it rotting, it wants to scream, but I won't let it... not for the time being
I can never tell them how I feel cause the happiness I wear to them is real
For them to hear that I wish I was dead... it would kill them, they'd be filled with dread
So I'll try my best not to be selfish, I'll keep my secret hidden & just let them rest
but God I can't take it much longer... I'll probably be dead before they even wonder.

 

Because Of You

I hate you for what you've done to me
My life is in pieces can't you see
you might have forgotten
but I never will
because of you I want to kill
no I don't want to kill you
I want to kill me
Cuz I can't live with what
you made me be

I tried to leave this world
leave it all behind
not one will find me

in the nick of time

So now they think I'm crazy
and maybe I am
but always remember
I will never call you friend
because of you I can never mend

 

I'm in darkness

Darkness all around me.
No light... its suffocating.
I'm begging it to kill me.
But the more I beg the longer I seem to live.
The longer I live the darker it gets.
There is pain, sorrow ..........